I'm so deeply emotionally affected by this that I can't stop myself. I take things as signs, and this was definitely a big one from our Lord. For me, at least.
I've held my tears in all day and everything just came gushing out while watching Deah Barakat's sister Suzanne's interview with Anderson Cooper. I put myself in her shoes.
I guess I have fears. Fears of losing loved ones, and not being able to handle the pain. I fear being killed because of who I am, what I look like, and what I believe in. I fear not being able to defend myself or utter another word. I fear not being able to experience the things I've always wanted to. Going to Mecca, getting married at some point, having a family of my own. I fear having the right to breathe oxygen and the right to live as I am being taken away from me by a human. I fear someone DECIDING when my life ends. It's just not fair. I put myself in the shoes of the newlyweds, and it breaks my heart. They were truly extraordinary people. I closely relate to Razan. We're close in age and we both have a passion for creativity. Imagining my dreams stripped away from me is frightening. It makes me want to protect myself to no end and do everything that I've ever wanted to do, now. But I fear that I won't get to do the things that take a little more hard work and time to get to. I shouldn't fear these things, because Allah knows best.
I'm just very shaken by this. Seeing Deah's father cry was soul shattering. No parent should have to bury their child.
I don't mean to make this about me. It'll always be about those three angels. But I'm having a hard time dealing with it and I need to let it out. I'm also angry in a lot of ways. I'm angry at America. We should all be able to live freely and peacefully. And we should all support each other. But it's not a perfect world I guess.
Please don't take anything for granted. Tomorrow may never come. Take care of yourselves.
Stay blessed. Spread LOVE.
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