Made To Love

I bet you already kinda think you know what this is going to be about, huh? Set all of your thoughts aside and indulge in mine. 

I really don't think anything in the world could ever make me stop loving. Ever since I was a smaller me, I've always had a big heart. (I've also always been a bit emotional) I feel what is intended for me to feel. I've smiled when something was smile worthy. If I see someone hurt, I feel the pain for them. I can relate to a lot of people even if I haven't experienced what they have. I've been blessed with the ability to just understand. No matter what it is, I'm able to listen, relate, and advise if needed. I used to think everyone was like this. I learned the hard way, but alhamdulillah I'm so incredibly grateful to have this quality. 

I've experienced a good amount of emotions (possibly all emotions) in my life. I've experienced happiness, anger, sadness, and really deep hurt. What always stands out is the pain, the sadness, the hurt, and I guess you don't really "remember" the happiness as much as you remember the "negative" feelings. When you feel the "negative" emotions, tragedy strikes your life. Your entire world is shaken. Sometimes we do this really unhealthy thing where we hold on to that pain and that hurt even though it does absolutely nothing for us. It harms us more than we ever allow ourselves to be healed while carrying that burden with us. Once we realize this, we must do what we know we must do. If you're reading this and you know that you're holding on to the hurt or holding a grudge, please do yourself a favor and free yourself of it. Let it go. Make yourself better. Allow yourself to heal. Face it, whatever is/was hurting you, then let it go. I've been there, done that. You are the one that is in control of your emotions, choose which ones you want to feel and which ones you don't want to feel. 

Anyways, ever since I was born basically, I've been around negativity. I was just put in situations and environments that weren't at all healthy for anyone involved. As I started to understand, I was filled with anger, even at a super young age. I never let that anger take over me, nor was it ever an excuse for anything, but it kept getting bigger and bigger towards the people involved. What I've experienced could've totally traumatized me. It could've ruined my chances in the future and I could've huffed and puffed about situations that I really had no control over. The worst case scenario is that today, I could still hold that anger and those grudges against those people. 

What's even worse is, what if my faith in love and my ability to love was long gone? I think it could've been possible. Maybe I'd have to learn how to love again and how to let people in or to even care enough about others. 

In my last post, I wrote a little about loving those who are deserving of your love, and in that, I meant the relationship kind of love. The main type of love that I speak of isn't the relationship kind of love. It's the love that I share with the world and the people in it. Love doesn't always have to be expressed in the words "I love you." It can be kept to yourself and felt in your heart. It can be a smile, the look you give someone, a simple prayer for someone, or even a really genuine and nice thought about someone. It can be recognizing someone's most powerful traits, or the beauty that their eyes hold. 

I can't help but love. I can't help but to see the good in good people. I can't help but to see what everyone can offer. I can't help but to believe in people. I can't help but want to help you, guide you, comfort you, and show some type of love towards you. I love loving. I love caring. 

I used to hate that I cared so much about so much. I haaaated that I had so many feelings. I hated that I felt so deep the most. When I'm hurt emotionally, I can feel that pain to the core of my soul. I saw it as something that was weak, and many people probably still think that it's a sign of weakness, but I couldn't disagree more. It just means that I feel. I'm human. You're human. And when you feel, I feel with you. That right there, that's love. 

I can become an emotional mess, but that too has love at its roots. But it's not until recently that I realized that one of the best things about me is my ability to love. When I love, I love hard and whole heartedly. Every atom of my being is put into the extra strength super glue that is love. 

The extraordinary John Legend once sang, "we were made to love."

Some people might say that the entire point of us being here is to love. To share love, to make love, to raise love, and most importantly, to feel love. I believe I'm one of those people that is here to make you feel it. Whoever you are, no matter what race or religion you are, no matter your interests, no matter how much we have in common or how opposite we are, and no matter what situations you have faced, are facing, and will face in life. I can love you just by looking at you and seeing some type of beauty glowing inside of you. 

One of the reasons I'm here is to love you. I love good people. I love people that share knowledge with others. I love people who help others. I love those with good intentions. 

I probably love you. Probably. 

I, Amy Ali, was made to love. 

Dear World: Internal Struggle

Dear World,

First off, Assalamu Alaikum. 

I've been itching to write to you for a while now. My mind explodes with different topics to write about, and today I decided to write about internal struggle. My internal struggle. As we may know, I do prefer to make videos, giving a voice and emotion to my words, but sometimes I really need to write out my thoughts to get them all out successfully. Nonetheless, I do plan on making a video about this soon so stay tuned to http://www.youtube.com/glambyheart 

YOUR INTERNAL STRUGGLE IS NOT GREATER THAN YOU ARE.

The past 6-ish years of my life have been eventful to say the least. Every year since then has sculpted the person I am today. In the past two years, my life has absolutely boomed. My internal growth has sky rocketed. I am not the same person I was a year ago, or even a month ago, alhamdulillah. With growth, the increase of knowledge, experience, and everything else, comes awareness. I've learned so much about life and myself and with that, I've been exposed to all the brutal truth in the world. 

"You see world, you're no good." ~J. Cole

I couldn't agree more. The world and the people on it have a lot to do with my internal struggle. We are affected by everything, and we affect each other more than anything. (I really feel like I don't know where I'm going with this right now, but I'll get there.) Needless to say, not everything in the world is bad. Not everyone is no good. If it was, I wouldn't have grown the way that I did and we'd all be doomed. In order to know bad, one must know good. 

I do recognize that in the past two years in particular, I have faced the most pain and hurt and in turn, that is what resulted in my growth, as well as just coming across good people who have that kind of affect on others and have the power to actually help others grow, unknowingly most of the time. 

I've experienced the most internal struggle in the past year of my life. I remember this time last year. I was working two jobs, a junior in high school, and I didn't really feel as connected to my Creator as I wanted to be. But, I began to strive for what I wanted. I did what I had to do to, and I got where I wanted to be, but what I was missing was the strength. I did get to the level of faith that I wanted to be at the time. I achieved my goal, I even made a YouTube video about it. I've always been a fairly strong person internally, but I am a human being and I do feel what is intended for me to feel. I just got weak when people I cared about were against me. I got weaker and weaker, and I didn't understand that it was all a test. I started to slip, quick sand was under my feet and I didn't fight. I didn't budge. I sank. But alhamdulillah, everything happens for a reason, and today's a new day.

I've always been an impatient person. That's who I was. I had worldly desires in my heart, and feeding those desires could've absolutely ruined me, but alhamdulillah they didn't. Right now, I'm kind of holding back. I honestly can't be completely honest and I can't let absolutely everything out just yet. 

I'm not sorry that my thoughts are so scattered. I've wanted to write about this for so long, and maybe I'm not at the right point to write about this just yet. Regardless, I'm going to continue.

One of the hardest things one can do is give themselves up. Have you ever made rules for yourself? How about when you were younger? Did you ever see someone make a mistake and then say that you're never going to do that? I have. Plenty of times. And sometimes, I didn't quite know what I was talking about. But other times, I knew right from wrong and I understood. 

Have you ever fully expressed yourself to someone? 

Yes? So you know who you can trust, or you think you know. Have you ever poured your entire heart out, or said how you truly felt, and have you thought about what a gamble it was to do? You see, human beings can be the absolute best and the absolute worst. We have so much power in our hands. We can break people, we can build people, we can build them and break in a matter of seconds. As you said how you really felt, did the thought of it going all wrong ever cross your mind? Even for a split second? Has it gone wrong? Yet?

No? So you don't trust easily. You have walls built up. You won't dare let anyone in. They can't even climb them because that's how high you've built them. You aren't able to take that risk. 

I feel like both of those things can be good and bad things. I'd much rather be the yes kind. Maybe. I've been the yes kind. And I never thought I would've experienced what I have. I never thought I'd be right here. During the time of fully pouring my heart out and even during the aftermath, those times were the best and the worst. I've built myself up with the help of others, and I've been broken down with the help of those people. My internal struggle (or the continuance of that) got better and then got worse in a matter of milli seconds. (Just a thought; I'm kinda pouring my heart out right now, aren't I? I pour my heart out in videos. I like pouring my heart out.) 

Anyways, listen up. I wouldn't want to be anyone other than the person I am right now. (I am aware that I'm forever growing and changing, and I won't be the same person in a week, but that'll be the better version of me.) I've overcome the majority of my internal struggle. I know I'm not perfect. I accept myself. I love myself. It took a lot to get here, and a lot of people have helped me, the majority of them don't know that they've helped me though. I don't want to be anyone else. I love me. I love my craft. I love my face. I love my body. I've been blessed tremendously. Within all the bad situations, NOTHING but good has come out of them.

One year later, I'm the best person I've ever been thus far. Alhamdulillah for everything that has happened. It took a whole lot of GOD, a lot of love, a lot of being proved wrong, a lot of pain, a lot of tears, plenty of smiles, and a positive mindset. 

Everyday, everything inside of me fluctuates. My thoughts are everywhere. Sometimes I love everything and everyone, and other times I hate everything and everyone. But what you must do is remind yourself. Remind yourself of all the good. Remind yourself that this is only temporary. Remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. Remind yourself that you must remain patient. Trust God's plan. Pray for what's best. Let go of your desires. Make your own dreams come true. Love everyone but deeply love those deserving of your love. Give, don't expect anything in return.

I hope that one day you find happiness, freedom, and everything else you pray for. You'll get through it. You will. 

Stay tuned for many more blog posts about life. Welcome to my journey. 

Assalamu Alaikum.